Department Farewell Function Address to the Students

on FAREWELL-10/02/2013 Bidding farewell brings to my mind Gabriel Okara’s poem Once Upon a Time where he says, “I have also learnt to say, ‘Goodbye’ When I mean ‘Good-riddance.’” Indeed, in a world where we ‘laugh with our teeth’ and ‘shake hands without hearts’, it is understandable that we lack sincerity and warmth of feelings when we say,’farewell.’ However, when out-going students are bidden fare well by the Department, it’s a sincere wish that they be fair in their dealings en route to fairing well in their life and career. Teachers, of course, feel flattered if it turns out in due course that they and the Department have been a value-addition to the students’ development. This official farewell notwithstanding, I must say that the students were much ahead of the times in that much before this occasion, they took French leave of us-they just stopped coming to the classes! Yet, I don’t regret that for I believe in the wise saying that a good teacher is one who makes himself gradually useless! Therefore, when students stop coming to my class I am on cloud nine. The gradual disappearance of the students from my class is enough empirical evidence of the fact that I am a good teacher! Good teachers don’t remain useful eternally. They gradually back off leaving their students capable enough to fend for themselves. In addition, I am not one of those advocates of having a captive audience in the classroom by hanging the sword of attendance percentage over the students’ heads. Nevertheless, I am sure the students know that if they fail to prepare, they must prepare to fail. The second option will not come into play, I am damn sure! For there’s no use digging the past. It’s about utilizing what is left before you. You still have a few days and a few nights before your examination which is your immediate goal. “Though much is taken much abides.” I am sure, you are a bunch of young men and women ‘strong in will’ ‘to strive, to seek, to score!’ Even then, in the intervening period between this moment and your final exams if you realize that I am still useful-there by proving me not good- you can always get in touch for remedial measures. You know you can get in touch with me on any highway, be it real or virtual (more so the virtual).

RESPECT IN EQUAL DAILY INSTALMENTS

Every teacher likes to be ‘pen’pared and ‘booked’ on Teachers’ Day. This addiction, though, at the College level is a recent phenomenon. When we were college goers, Teachers’ Day was considered ‘schoolish’. However, things do change. This Teachers’ Day brings to my mind the delicate image of the House Sparrow. When we were college goers, we didn’t hear of the House Sparrow Day which is celebrated today on the 20th of March every year. The fact that the bird is slowly going the dodo way has demanded the spread of awareness through such ‘Days’. Is the species of teachers too going the House Sparrow way that it needs conservation through awareness via the celebration of a ‘Day’? No doubt, the teachers have faced challenges at different stages of human history. However, the resilience of the teacher is remarkable. Therefore, there’s no cause for concern. One of the first challenges to the relevance of the teacher was posed in the ‘Dvapara Yuga’ itself when Ekalavya achieved mastery with distinction in his discipline through self study. But Drona cleverly kept the teacher’s flag flying by getting Ekalavya’s thumb chopped off by taking recourse to the ‘guru dakshina’ stratagem and rendering him incapable of practicing his art to perfection. Since then, the relevance of the teacher has rarely been challenged. However, in recent times, another bigger challenge has come to the breed of teachers. We call the monster ‘Google.’ The teacher’s relevance is once again questioned as the student can get all his questions answered and doubts clarified by summoning Mr. Google. A mobile phone with a Rs 99/- per month GPRS pack can give the teacher a run for the money. Again, it’s the thumb that’s the villain of the piece. One just needs to press the thumb on the mobile QWERTY key board to summon up Mephistopheles Google with all his answers. Perhaps, this is the reason why teachers see red when students use the mobile phone on campus. You can’t, after all, get all those thumbs chopped off. So now, the target is the gadget. Teachers have other weapons too to face the challenge. You can google your way to knowledge, but you can’t google your way to the examination hall. Here you need attendance, and that too 75%! Therefore, teachers are bound to get a captive attendance with the threat of low attendance constantly staring at the students! To make a long story short, even Google can’t outsmart the teacher. The teacher will always remain relevant. So there’s no worry even if a Teachers’ Day or too is sabotaged by occasions like the Tithi of the Saint. However, on a serious note, the teacher’s goal should be to make himself gradually irrelevant. Only when the teacher has made himself irrelevant, can one say that the student has come of age. Continued relevance of the teacher is not a positive comment on the teacher. To come back to the threats, there’s not to panic. We are too smart to be outgoogled. Meanwhile, let’s just bask in the glory of the day. At the same time, let’s hope that the students don’t spend all their respect and love for us on this day. For you need love and respect in equal installments on all 365 days of the year.

Grading System :
(a) Conversion of marks to Grades :
Actual marks secured by a group of candidates are converted into Relative
Percentile (R) before conversion into Relative Letter Grades. The maximum
Actual marks (i,e. Highest mark) (M) secured in a particular Group is converted
into 100% and other actual marks (A) secured by the students of the same groups
are converted to the Relative Percentile.
R= (100 / M)XA where R= Relative Percentile
M= Maximum (Highest) marks in the class
A= Actual marks of a student who passed I.e., if the
actual marks is not less than 30%
(b) Conversion Table for Relative Percentile into Letter Grades and Grade points.
Range of Relative
Percentile
Letter Grades Grade point
90-100
75-89
55-74
40-54
30-39
If A / or F is below 30 %
A
B
C
D
E
F
10
8
6
4
2
0
(C) Conversion of Grades of CGPA & CPI :
Grade point average (GPA) is used as a numerical survey of academic
achievement, First, Grades are assigned to points in a 10 points scale as follows:
A= 10 points, B= 8 points, C= 6 points, D= 4 points, E= 2 points, F=0 points.
Secondly, the hours of credit for each course are multiplied by the Grade point
value to determine the honour points. The honour points are then added for all the courses
/ papers in a Semester. The same of honour points in a given semester is then divided by
the total number of credits.
Example :
Course No. Course/
Paper
Credit Grade Point Honour
Point
Chem-401 12 A 10 120
Chem-401 12 B 8 96
Chem-420 12 C 6 72
Chem-60X 8 D 4 32
Chem-430 Laboratory
work
16 A 10 160
60 480
Grade point average (GPA) = 480 / 60 = 8.0
Cumulative Performance Index (CPI):
The final result of a four Semester Course is expressed as the average Grade
points obtained by the student in the entire course:
CPI = (CPA) Sem-I+ (GPA) Sem-II (GPA) Sem-III+GPA Sem-IV / 4
(d) Conversion Formula: for m Grades to P.C. of marks for Humanities and Social
Science:
For CGPA upto 9.5 : (5XCGPA)+20
For CGPA above 79.5 : (65XCGPA) -550
So, for c lass-I minimum CGPA be 8
For class –II minimum CGPA be 5
For other subjects / disciplines :
For CGPA upto 9.00 : (10 X CGPA)-5
For CGPA above 9.00 (15 X CGPA)-50
In order to qualify for a P.G. degree a student must secure CGPA of minimum 5.0
(equivalent to 45% marks).

Time present and time past...

Each time there's a peccadillo or a horrific act committed by some misled young men, the oldies get down to their characteristic bashing of the present, as if all was hunky dory when they were young. They start haranguing the youth with their pet lecture on the degeneration in all spheres-culture, morality and what not? Macaulay rightly talks about the fact that society, while constantly moving forward with eager speed, constantly looks backward with tender regret."If we were perfectly satisfied with the present, we should cease to contrive, to labour... ...And it is natural that, being dissatisfied with the present, we should form a too favourable estimate of the past." So fair enough, guys. But i still don't find a convincing answer from these revivalists as to the causes of this 'degeneration'. I know Indian hockey degenerated post Astro turf. But what has caused the degeneration in other spheres? Some introspection on the part of both the old and the young is needed perhaps, instead of the bashing.
But we should take this revivalism with a pinch of salt, to put it mildly. Ranade's words should be paid heed to by the revivalist-"...What shall we revive?...The men and the gods of those old days ate and drank forbidden things to excess in a way no revivalist will now venture to recommend. Shall we revive the twelve forms of sons, or eight forms of marriages, which include capture and recognised mixed and illegitimate intercourse? Shall we revive the Niyoga system of procreating sons on our brother's wives when widowed? Shall we revive the old liberties taken by the rishis and by the wives of the rishis with the marital tie? Shall we revive the hecatombs of animals sacrificed from year's end to year's end and in which human beings were not spared as propitiatory offerings..."(Indian Social reform, cited from The Past and Prejudice by Romila Thapar)

RAMBLINGS ON TEACHERS' DAY

Let me at the outset salute my teachers on the eve of ‘Teachers’ Day’-Hats off to those great souls. However, I would not overdo this show of respect by saying that all that I am today is thanks to my teachers. That would mean blaming my teachers. Much of all that I am today are failings and weaknesses. My teachers are not responsible for those glaring aspects of me.
The preparations for celebration of the occasion on campus by the students are fantastic. However, it reminds me of my school days. When we were college goers, Teachers’ Day was considered the exclusive property of schools. Of course, in the last decade or so may things in college have gone the school way. The College uniform is one such thing.
All said and done, everyone, including teachers, would like to be pampered on at least one day in the year. However, I would like to urge the students not to shower so much respect on this day that none is left for the other 364 days! One should not also respect others so much that there is none left for himself!
Teachers today are continuously at the receiving end. Every one teaches the teacher today. Intellectuals, pseudo-intellectuals, politicians, former teachers, assume the role of teachers, while it is the teacher who hardly teaches, for the poor soul is busy enhancing his A.P.I!
Besides, the teachers are constantly under the scanner. Every moment the teacher has nightmares of the cctv camera following him, and the installation of the punching machine. It’s a fact that all the logistics are towards reigning in the teacher. This surveillance grows in proportion to the teachers’ salary. Now that teachers are ‘rich’ post-revised scale, the knives are out. Indeed, to be ‘poor’ is a virtue in India.
However, the teaching profession was never thought of as a ‘hazardous’ one. However, a Times of India article the other day has proved to be a game changer. Teachers, it says, are at risk of allergies because of the chalk powder, they could also lose their voice dealing with large classes. Besides, the postures that a teachers need to take can have a toll on his body.
The utility of the teacher is also under threat. It was Ekalavya of Mahabharata fame who threw the first salvo by opting for Distance mode of education. The spurt in Distance education at present is a renewed threat to the relevance of the teacher. Of course, in one sense, the teacher has to make himself gradually irrelevant. Only then, he or she could be considered a good teacher. Talking of teaching, I am reminded of the saying, ‘an ordinary teacher tells, an average teacher explains, a good teacher demonstrates, a great teacher inspires.’ However, this is often misinterpreted and teachers merely inspire without teaching! Technology too is a threat to the relevance of the teacher. Now you learn everything if you just have a mobile with packet data connection. It is the ‘rule of the thumb’. Use your thumb, and the World Wide Web is your teacher.
These ramblings notwithstanding, let us spare a thought for the man in whose memory this day is celebrated-Dr. Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, the second president of India. May his tribe increase. We need philosophers, and we need statesmen just as we need teachers. We need philosopher Kings-though not of the Machiavellian kind.

No.1esque performance

I have been a hard core cynic as far as Indian cricket is concerned, perhaps because of the media hype around cricket and cricketers in this part of the world. Still,have been following cricket keenly for donkey's years. And it's been always a case of India flattering to deceive in Tests! Team India has always been unstoppable at home-especially since the Azhar-uddin saga. Even Steve Waugh could not conquer the 'Final Frontier.'But wins overseas have been few and far between. For a long time, we had to recall the 1986 series win against England in England by Kapil's Devils to talk of India's overseas triumphs! But things have changed-changed indeed. The Ganguli-Wright combo heralded this change. We started winning in countries like England and West Indies( though today's Windies are a far cry from the indomitables of the 70s and 80s).We started winning in New Zea land too where even the mighty Windies faltered! Yet, the win at Perth was the only one we could show against Australia.A series win against Oz down under and a away win against the Proteus would surely make the No.1 status more convincing. But things are on the right track. The way India came back to win the second Test at Durban after the mauling at Centurion was No.1esque. And they are putting up a gritty show at Cape Town too. So the signs are there surely.

Knowledge as a Liability!

Bliss was it when I was a 404 man. Could easily dodge the mouse. But since turning literate, it's been difficult to ignore without intervening in the intellectually-bankrupts'assays. Earlier the ignorance was blissful as I was a Persona-non-Grata in the elite laptop flaunting circle. But one can't feign ignorance and tolerate idiotic work for long. one has to stand up and be counted. Knowledge here becomes a liability-not power. The more you see crap around you, the more you get involved in areas that could hitherto be avoided. Tolerance is indeed a virtue! For without this trait you are forced to squeeze time out to enlighten people on a plethora of issues, besides working yourself in the grave yard shift.

PUNJABI WEDDING!

Remember Sports Minister, M.S Gill's reaction to the media reaction to Delhi's unpreparedness prior to CWG, 2010? He said, everything would be fine in time like a Punjabi Wedding! And, abracadabra! everything was indeed fine at the eleventh hour. The media led by our own Arnab made a volte face. They started praising the 'show'.
Another Punjabi Wedding is on the cards. The last couple of days we have been witness to painters on roof top trying to spruce up the College just prior to the NAAC Peer team's visit. In fact, we are all behaving like cats on a hot tin roof. The bride's to arrive on the 14th. We have been sitting on our laurels for the last five years, and now the groom's close. The bride's to be decked up. A winter wedding is on the offing.
Forget the seven criteria, this last minute doing-up will do the trick. Perhaps, this is how things click in our country! The inspectors are coming. We need to train our pupils in spelling, perhaps of words like 'KETTLE' ( remember, M.K Gandhi at school)

Living in Glass Houses

Teachers always seem to take the high moral ground when the issue of student absenteeism crops up. They suggest fines,detention etc as remedies. But teaching a class comprising of a 'captive audience' is simply not done, to me.
But those who live in glass houses should not throw stones at others, goes the age old saying. The modern version,of course, goes thus: "those who live in glass houses should change in the basement" Student absenteeism is not the headache of the powers-that-be-teacher absenteeism is.Rightly so. That explains the punching card issue recently in the news to monitor teacher attendance.
The moral of the story is that the teachers should first get their act together before taking the high moral ground. After all, it's difficult to say with a straight face to your students: " Do as I say, not as I do."
.

My tryst with Word-making!

Word formation is one of my favorite areas of study. It gets more and more interesting as one gets into it. Blending, Clipping, Duplication, Back-formation, Folk etymology etc are real fun. ‘Manufacturing’ words is better perhaps. It’s really exciting, for instance, to know about the new words like ‘bangalored’ or ‘plutoed.’ New words that come up or existing words that gain currency at a certain time do give a picture of the times. Like the interesting word ‘bangalored’ directly holding a mirror up to the out-sourcing that is part and parcel of this era of Liberalisation, Globalisation and Privatisation. Or for that matter words like ‘thumbing,’ ‘slip of the thumb,’ ‘post modem depression,’ ‘textual satisfaction’ giving a glimpse of the internet and sms savvy generation.
This interest in word formation has perhaps given me the impetus to ‘invent’ a few words of my own! My professional life as a College teacher has given me ample opportunity to coin words and phrases, however bizarre they may be, and how ever adventurous I may seem to be. A few of the words and phrases that I have ‘invented’ in different moments of madness (such moments occurring rather frequently!) are ‘ex-voto syndrome’, ‘class-less society’, ‘Much ado about NAACthing’, ‘Seminary’, and ‘cats, dogs and horses.’ Some of these words and phrases are ‘brand new’, and others are already existing ones with new meanings. These words will without doubt revolve around my professional life and will perhaps hold a mirror up to my professional life.
Teaching English-or for that matter, any subject- has its own hazards. It requires preparation even for a lesson that you are doing not for the first time. So I am usually extra cautious not to start any chapter impromptu. But if anything can go wrong, it will-Murphy’s Law! So one such occasion was when I had to start the chapter How to Buy a House by Durrell. It was a cautious start- not of the T20 kind where caution is thrown to the wind. A sedate Test match like start where you first try to get used to the pitch and the swing! Here the fear was that of a monster word that might come up suddenly for I had not read the chapter earlier. It was a sort of an extempore performance. So I was grinding my way, trying not to stumble upon such a word which I shall not be able to explain to my students. I could not bank on the fact that students usually don’t ask many questions which make our task a cruise! You never know, Murphy’s Law could play the spoil-sport. So I could not take a cavalier attitude. I had to employ my peripheral vision to the limit to go on explaining the lines while looking for that devilish word a few lines hence so that I could fool the students by stopping the class much before that dreaded word comes up. Or I had to slow things up as I the middle overs of an ODI just to preserve my wicket. After all I was on a sticky wicket! And then, the scary word did appear-‘ex voto.’ I had no idea as to what this word meant. At the same time I could not cut a sorry figure in front of my students. After all, I am a teacher- I cannot be seen to be helpless! So what I did was predictable- slowed things up to such an extent that no way I could reach that word before the bell rang. The next day I could come back with a vengeance after looking up all the obstinate words in the lexicon. Since that dreadful day I have started calling the fear of starting a new lesson the ‘ex-voto syndrome.’
Then the College academic season has given a twist to the meaning of ‘class-less society.’(My apologies to Karl Marx). NAAC or no NAAC, from December to April with the Board and University exams in between, it’s virtually a class-less society in the Colleges. After the gala ‘Form fill-up’ (or should it be Form fill-in) there’s hardly any classes in the College. The Terminal examination answer scripts attract no student. For, who cares for marks (read Marx) in a ‘class-less society’!
The NAAC experience with institutions -even bringing up overnight gardens to impress the ‘peerless’ Peer Teams- has made me temper with the title of one of the Bard’s play “Much Ado About NAACthing.”
The NAAC phenomenon of course brought about certain activities on the College Campus with a renewed vigor. There was a time around the first visit of the Peer Team that witnessed a hectic holding of Seminars. We had to take things in our stride as these Seminars varied from the good to the utterly boring! But the sword of NAAC was hanging over us! We had to bear with those. But it was a barrage of Seminars and I felt it was my bounden duty to find a word that signifies a place where a lot many Seminars are held. The moment of madness came up with a gem of an answer- ‘Seminary’!
Then, raining ‘cats and dogs’ is commonplace, but I teach ‘cats, dogs and horses’! Being one who teaches Linguistics, I very much have to deal with Morphology much of which is dominated by these cats, dogs and horses! Morphology studies, in addition to other things, how words change their grammatical states like the formation of the plural. Here one can’t evade these cats, dogs, and horses! Not only for plural, but also for the genitive and the third person singular form of the verb. The rule is that when a singular noun ends in a voiceless sound excepting the sibilants, the final sound of the plural form will be /s/ as in ‘cats’. When it ends in a voiced sound excepting the sibilants, the plural form will end in /z/ as in ‘dogs’, and if the singular noun ends in a sibilant, the plural morpheme will be /iz/. Same is the rule for the genitive formation and the third person singular form of the verb. In a word, I can’t escape these cats, dogs and horses which are the most suitable examples for driving home the rules of inflectional morphology in these cases. A lion’s share of my teaching-plan is taken by these quadrupeds. So, it would not be wrong to say that I teach ‘cats, dogs and horses’!
And then, there’s ‘white tapism’-a play on the familiar ‘red-tapism’. But this one delays the evaluation of scripts. Script evaluation is one pain in the neck of teachers especially for those who teach subjects with a humungous enrollment. The scripts assume deadlier proportions if they are ‘white taped’ for those would invariably contain more pages, and, consequently, would eat up more time. So ‘white tapism’ is the monster to deal with during evaluation time!

Doing the Right thing for the Wrong reasons a la Undershaft of Major Barbara

Mr. Undershaft of Major Barbara has been one of my favourites for his knack of doing the right thing for the wrong reasons.
These days I save the mobile numbers of sundry investment solicitors, Unsolicited counselors, and downright bores not to respond to their calls but to ignore their calls. once bitten twice shy!

Not In My Backyard(NIBY) syndrome

Finished reading Absolute Khuswant this instant. The following lines from the Chapter My Biggest Worry : Intolerance:

"We allowed fascism to dig its heels in our courtyard. We let them get away with every step they took and never raised a howl of protest. today they burn books they do not like; they beat up journalists who write against them; they attack cinema houses showing films they do not approve of; they vandalize the paintings of India's leading artist; they pervert texts from history books to make them conform to their ideas; they foul mouth everyone who disagrees with them.We fail to hit back because we have never been a united force and do not realize the perils of allowing our country to fall into their hands," remind of those great lines from Martin Niemoller:

They came first for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for me
and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Free Will

The controversy surrounding Dr.Bhupen Hazarika, Star Cement, Kalpana Lajmi and his die hard fans has to be dealt with by asking the tough questions. one such question is-" Does the maestro have free will or is he a captive in the hands of lajmi?" if he has it, I think it's nobody's business to make a hue and cry about his endorsements.

Where are the holy cows?

The tiger's not burning bright either in the forest of the night or in the PGA circuit. Westwood has taken over Woods in the PGA, and there are only 1400 or so in the Indian jungles.Sad state of affairs, indeed. But Woods can make a come back- now that he has undergone the sex rehab, and there are success stories in wild life conservation in our part of the world. so the big cat has a chance, after all!
But what of the 'holy cows' of our society. The species is extinct- the parliament never was a holy cow- cash for query, the wads of notes during the nuclear deal debate etc prove so beyond doubt. Caesar's wife has to be above suspicion but here the President's hubby has been accused of land grab!! Governors have been found with their pants down!The judiciary was thought to be impeccable but the Dinakaran episode tells otherwise. the army was the last bastion. Pity, they too have succumbed to corruption and nepotisim, that too at the cost of their own brethren who laid down their lives at Kargil! the "ADARSH" they have shown in the Mumbai apartment scam is far from exemplary, to put it mildly.

The Gift of the Jab

The ruckus in the Karnataka Assembly is neither surprising nor shocking. It's become routine today be it in Bihar or U.P, or even the LokSabha (remember the wads of notes bandied around during the Nuclear Deal!)
There was, indeed, a time when the assemblies were inhabited by people with the gift of the gab. But today, it seems, these assemblies are manned by people with little or no gift of the gab, but with a great gift of the 'jab!' They can very well pack a punch or two when needed.
Democracy is just a way of forming a Government. It has nothing to do with people's behaviour. Let's have no illusions about it.

Assam's Somdev!

The News Live ticker says, Assam's Somdev wins gold at CWG. From all accounts Somdev is from Tripura. The connection seems to be far-fetched at best. May be it's in keeping with the age old maxim 'sucess has many fathers, but failure is an orphan!'
But the 'Success' itself is suspect. No Leyton Hewitt or Andy Murray, perhaps in these games, though they belong to the Common Wealth.

Much Ado about 'NAACthing!'

Times of India, Oct 08, 2010, carried a 'scary' news item-'now Naac Will grade teachers too.' It's the brain child of the V.C, University of Rajasthan.
Teachers will be graded on a plethora of aspects like research, impact of research, contribution to forming curriculum, conducting examination and attending conferences etc.
Great idea! But where are the classes in this scheme of things? The more things change, the more they are the same. it will still remain a 'class less society' under the weight of vacations, examinations, bandhs, tuitions,and, not to mention, truant teachers.Things will go from bad to worse as now there will be a madder rush for attending conferences, extension activities etc leaving the students in the lurch or at the mercy of the tutors!
'NAAC garden' has become a cliche in our part of the world with flower gardens coming up on campus overnight to impress the NAAC 'peers'!
God knows what's in store if the teacher grading materialises.